Becoming a hobbit & other lessons from the trail

In my limited experiences mountain biking let me share a few things I’ve learned or have come to realize:

  1. You’re going to get hurt. Within minutes ego, vanity, pride are kicked out while humble & humility take the stage.no idea
  2. Everyone falls and it’s usually over a pebble not a boulder. (Though those do get you too)ok bike
  3. Legs are mouthy. Feel free to tell them to shut up.

    shut up legs.PNG
    Seriously. Shut Up.
  4. You get more action from your seat than you do from your partner (or lack thereof).
    bike romance
  5. Seats are not gentle on your tender bits and pieces. You are left bruised, pinched and sore in the entire vicinity of your genital area from riding or from your undergarments. Hence #voluntarycooterpunchesthe chafe.PNG
  6. Padded bicycle shorts do feel like diapers particularly after getting your sweat on after 20+km. Least sexiest sensation ever.tears
  7. Upon riding any kind of distance your metabolism goes into hyper-drive and basically your daily meals start looking like a hobbits eating schedule. Post-ride meals turn you into a savage.

hobbit meals.PNG

cheat meals
About sums it up.

8. Realizing that riding is basically the equivalent to Gandalf showing up on your doorstep with his pipe, epic smoke rings & mentioning something about an adventure.gandalf9. The more often trails are ridden the more convinced you become that the trees are alive, Ents are real and some trees just want to see you bail. (ROOTS!!! ARGH! That wasn’t there last week)ents10. You really start to wonder about Tolkien when riding through some spectacular forests. (And every other tale that includes the woods)tolkein about11. Getting shit-faced is accidentally riding over manure and your tire throws it in your face. Wiping it off makes it worse. Don’t ride with your mouth open.

biff manure

12. Bikes are as gendered & diverse as humans are. Mine’s a female, is named, & has an interesting personality. She doesn’t hesitate to buck me when I fail to heed her advice or have lack of faith. It’s a relationship built on trust, don’t mess with it. Yes, we talk often.

Persephone
Persephone – Goddess of the Underworld, Spring & Rebirth

13. Trails are predominantly female. They are full of personality, wisdom, & strength. They teach you lessons, knock you down & reveal truths that will leave you humbled, black, blue, & bleeding but you leave stronger mentally & physically than when you started. They rock & undulate, seduce you and are endlessly captivating.mononoke

14. Transcendence on the trail is possible. Mind Blowing.whoa15. Everything you are not dealing with, everything you are dealing with, and stuff you didn’t even know you needed to deal with gets kicked up in your facebuyboat

16. After a day of riding, a patio has never been more amazing or inviting.super-salad

17. Hills are hard and requires a solid mental game. Downhill is a whole other beast & a different skill set entirely. Up or down – it’s where you are going, not where you are.

18. You can and you will, it just might not be today & that’s okay.

19. Everyone surrounding the sport are some of the best people I’ve met. As I am reintroducing myself to humanity I have chosen the most amazing individuals to be among

chill lizard
Chill

20. Needed this here just to round out the list. BANGARANG RUFIO!Bangarang

 

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